Gameweek 5 Recap & Gameweek 6 Preview

Good Morning Afternoon!

Apologies for the late release. Your dear friend and humble narrator spent more time this week at the negotiating table than the keyboard. By Friday night I was feeling like Brian Burke looks after the NHL draft.

Burke at the 2016 draft: He probably just traded a pick and a prospect for another inch of hairline advance. Sad he retired before he could fill his entire forehead with hair

After a hectic Thursday that saw over half the teams in the league involved in trade talks, my sources tell me that the reps for Jacko, Lampard's Lads, and Virgil's Big Fucked ACL went to bed with a handshake deal in place for a 6-player, 3-team trade. All that was left to do was sleep off the beers (important part of negotiating), and confirm the trade.

Thriving in the chaos. Breathing it in.

Cut to 8:30am Friday: a flash of lightning, a clap of thunder and a trade proposal sent to Fulham's MJ Statue. 

And they call Claudio Ranieri "The Tinkerman" smh

Sources on the inside tell me that MJ Statue's manager clicked 'accept trade' before his morning coffee, and before contacting Kai or Dongmeister69.

Most dramatic blindside since Arie broke Becca K's heart

After the dust settled, the 6th and 10th overall picks were swapped, along with ASM (Round 4, pick 3) and Boly (Round 6, pick 2)

Dude Fiesta History Lesson:

This was the first trade executed in the league since February 2019. Then manager of No Kane, No Gain; Holder sent Martial and Gylfi to Team IR for KDB.

Gylfi

Martial

KDB

Against all odds, Gylfi was the cream of the crop. No Kane, No Gain and IR finished 5th and 8th respectively.

Gameweek 5 Recap & Awards

Points Stud of the Week: Pop, Lock, and Klopp It cruises in to the Zhukas Derby with all the momentum in the world. The Klopp Its had 9/10 outfielders score at least 9, plus big numbers from his 2 Red Devils. Lining up in what some consider a boring 4-4-2, his defenders were consistent and potent: all 4 scored between 13.25 and 19.25.

When your opponent puts up the highest single week score of the season, all you can do is watch in admiration. VBDTF would have won against any other team, led by Harry Kane, who was passed over on draft day by every other manager.

Points Dud of the Week: On the Mendy actually had more than 10 outfielders fit. However, other than now departed Timo Werner, nobody in the XI hit double digits. Better deployment could've seen Digne's 20.75 bench points put the Mendys clear of leaders Lampard's Lads, who were solid, but unspectacular.

Stock Rising: Pop Lock and Klopp It was discussed earlier, but three wins on the trot, and in style too is enough for this journalist to put Zhukas the Younger firmly in the 'buy' column.

Stock Falling: I'm'Eric Laporte seemed on the verge of a breakthrough, but couldn't put it all together. What's worse is that Ake and Thiago picked up knocks, and Richarlison will miss the next three matches for a stupid two-footed tackle. KDB will be a welcome reinforcement, but considering the only bench scoring came from Thomas Partey (-1 pt.), your dear friend and humble narrator is selling his stock in Laportes.

Opponent Alisson Wonderland betrayed their hands-off approach, doubling their season total of transactions. While the 3 additions to the team were not spectacular, they were all immediately put into the starting lineup, and contributed 9.5 points. The margin of victory: 9.25.

Elsewhere, Who Wants to be a Willianaire? took a lead they wouldn't relinquish with 20' left in the gameweek, but not without controversy: A Jiminez shot was headed in (or deflected in depending on your POV) by Kalvin Phillips in the final match of the week, and later a VAR check for violent conduct determined that Jiminez would not be shown red for thrashing a boot at a defender. Raul was credited the goal, and not punished for his violent intentions because he didn't actually make contact. 

Opponent Fulham's MJ Statue filed an appeal, but was denied by the FA. All said, this was a great matchup between two clubs who put up solid totals without any huge individual scores.

The Willianaires are beginning to mount a chase for the title, or at the very least a podium finish. The Jackos find themselves at a hard luck 1-4, and will look to their new acquisitions to shake things up.

Gameweek 6 MOTW Preview

In a rematch of the 2018-19 Final, the Zhukas brothers each have a chance to take pole position. 

I swear I was going to write a nice, in-depth breakdown of this huge matchup, but it's like half over at this point, and fuck you I don't feel like it.